poem

The Concentric Circles of Life and Death

Posted on October 20, 2015 by jolynnpowers

Well it should come as no surprise that things here on the mountain are changing again. The spiritual head of our family is making the slow transition from the world of the here and now to the land of forever. It is a shaking off of the old skin and the trying on of the new freedom of the spirit that we are watching. It is emotionally stretching everyone in the family to the limit. This transition into the concentric circles of life and death, where there is no beginning or end. The cancer has moved to the bones and a hip fracture has made her bedridden. So with other complications to her overall health the Dr’s know that she will not recover. The body worn out and now only a cocoon for the vibrant, fiery, giving, helpful, spirit that is still very much alive. It is a slow and often painful process to see the soul finally be released from the body. Yet, as amazing to watching as a caterpillar transforming into a butterfly. This experience has only one drawback, this butterfly will one day fly off with out me……

There is no time line of events. It is day by day, hour by hour,breath by breath. It is ups and downs and moments of clarity and others of total delusion. The pain comes, then the drugs, then the weakening of the vale between the worlds. She talks with those she loves who have departed, she sees them and knows they are close. The chorus of angels then fades and the drugs wear off, she is with us, clear, focused and even agitated with us. She is happy to see the men of faith that come to pray with her. They remind her that it is only for a little while and she will be healed. Healed and free from pain…. free from being trapped in a broken body…….. Ahhhh the final release.

She is my best friend, she is my spiritual rock, and the cancer is taking her away from me. I find some comfort in the words of the great writers, thinkers and spiritual believers.For generations we have survived this awkward step in understanding and some have left words for us to fallow.This is just one of many quotes that I have found some comfort in:

“The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran

from the section on friendship,

“And let your best be for your friend.”

“If he must know the ebb of your tide,

let him know its flood also.”

“For what is your friend that you should

seek him with hours to kill?

“Seek him always with hours to live”

“For it is his to fill your need, but not

your emptiness.”

“And in the sweetness of friendship let

there be laughter,and sharing of pleasures.”

“For in the dew of little things the heart

finds its morning and is refreshed.”

Our relationship has always been more than “married into the family” we have always been friends. So as I finish this post I am waiting on word that she is released from the hospital to go home. To spend her final days in the place she feels most comfortable and safe. I will sit with her when she settles in and read to her while the hours pass. So I can share the last few days or months that we have together, before she flies away.

Butterfly at Holy River State Park, WV

Categories: Cancer, Death, Family, family health, Friendship, grandma, poem | Tags: Cancer, Death, family health, friendship, grandma, Poem, throat cancer | 7 Comments

A Peaceful Death

Posted on September 4, 2013 by jolynnpowers

When I die take me home, to cold mountain air and songs that sing through the pines.
Take me home, to a wide open sky and crisp freshly fallen snow.
Spread my ashes across a high range and let me blow in the wind.
Take me home so I can join the deer and elk in their migrations.
Take me home to join the circle again.

Losing my father in law yesterday was hard, but I am relived to know that he died at home in his town with his family around him. I feel comforted that he was at Peace.

Categories: Colorado, Death, Family, poem | Tags: Colorado, Death, peace, Poem | 16 Comments

The Longest Winter

Posted on March 18, 2013 by jolynnpowers

The Longest Winter

Maybe I am selfish,
another week of the this has made me mad,

I have flowers to transplant, land that needs tiled,

a shed in need of a new coat of paint.

I have reached the end of my rope,

the house needs cleaned, the windows need washed,

I need to get out of this house.

Maybe I am selfish,

but I think this is the longest winter to ever pass.

Categories: poem, writing | Tags: spring, winter | 2 Comments

Crackers in Bed

Posted on March 11, 2013 by jolynnpowers

I don’t write a lot about my, day to day ,activities with my kids, but I will share this.

another sick week.. he is finally sleeping

1:12 AM, Christopher……….MAMA? MAMA?

1:12 AM Me……………..Yes, Christopher? Come here. I am on the couch sleeping.( Tom has the flu and I am having trouble sleeping and up watching T.V).

He climbs up on the couch and gets under the blanket for a few minutes.

1:30 Am Me…………………are you ready to go back to bed?

1:30 AM We head off to his room and he crawls back under the covers and snuggle down.

1:35 AM Christopher………………….MaMa, I need someone to snuggle with.

1:35 AM……….. I climb into his bed snuggle down and warm the cool sheets with my body.

1:45 AM Christopher ………..MaMa, I am hungry… I need soup crackers.

1:45AM Me…. …..Do we need to have soup crackers? or can we have toast (thinking that there are less crumbs from toast).

1:50 AM Christopher……………No, I need soup crackers.

2 am snack for Christopher

I head to the kitchen, it is 2:00 AM, and return with 3 soup crackers and a small cup of milk.Knowing that at 4 years old he is not able to keep the crackers from breaking apart and turning into a mountain of crumbs in the bed.

I pull the covers up to try to keep some of the chunks of cracker from being deposited in his bed and snuggle up to him. I hear the crunch of every bite, the smacking of lips and the swallow of milk in his sippy cup. Then the genital breathing of a tired, sick boy who has spent most of the night up coughing.

I know the bed is full of crumbs and know that I will surely fall asleep in this bed tonight. Tom is sick also and needs to rest as much as possible. I realise that the crumbs don’t matter anymore, that a wonderful night snuggled up to the child I love has over ridden my desire to disturb him.

Last night I discovered why there is the old saying ” I wouldn’t throw them out of bed for eating cookes”…or in a more farm friendly version ” I wouldn’t throw her out of bed for eating oats”. I wouldn’t have through my son out of bed for eating those crunchy crackers for a million dollars. I slept peacefully and so did he.

Again at about 7:30 this morning I hear “MaMa” but this time close to my ear… ” I need soup crackers” from a boy who has not fully opened his eyes. I lie in the bed and am so thankful I am sleeping with a few crumbs.

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