I think 2019 was the year I finally grew up. I think maturity came even when it was unwanted. As I look back over the year I see where I really grew a lot and where I struggled. I can’t believe that in a matter of 12 months I have started my own business, changed offices twice, lost my mother to Alzheimer’s, took a major vacation, ended up in the hospital for migraines, made another epic Halloween costume and almost figured out the State of West Virginia’s tax system.
Of course, starting a business was stressful and at times frustrating. It took over ninety days for me to get my business license and when I did get it they sent it to the wrong address and I had to contact the state about the error. Then wait a few more days to get the corrected license. All while trying to pay my quarterly taxes. All I can say is congratulations to anyone who has survived the first year of becoming self-employed. My first year was a never-ending mess. I think I will do better next year! The taxes paid and now if I can just find a good accountant to do our federal income taxes I will say whoo hoo another year done!
While working for 3 different organizations I did have three different desks in three different offices in two different counties. This is not a good thing and I would not recommend it to anyone. Things get left at one office while you are working at another one, people have no idea where you are or when you plan to come back. I officially will only have one office and one desk next year and one phone number. That alone is reducing the stress I feel just thinking about it.
My work on the Golden Rule is finished until fall. I will miss this Grand Old Girl for a few months and then begin the work of designing the buildout of the retail space. I am helping with fixtures, layout, displays and the general look and feel of the space. This is actually pretty close to the work that I did just after college. It should be fun to put on my interior design hat again.
I also lost my 87-year-old mother this summer while I was working at the Golden Rule. My brother called while I was loading Items for donation into a truck to tell me that she had aspirated. Its when you inhale something you shouldn’t and it causes damage to the lungs. When that happens instead of bruising and swelling alone the lungs fill with fluid and eventually if the damage is severe enough you end up with phenomena. In my mothers’ case, she was weak being taken over by Alzheimer’s and had so many other issues the lungs filled up within hours and she passed away in my brothers’ arms before any of us could get to her. It was shocking and expected all at once. My brother made arrangements for her burial with my father in Colorado when we all could gather together to say goodbye. She died on West Virginia Day, June 23rd, the same day that West Virginia gained its independence from the State of Virginia, that is a date I will never forget.
In trying to allow myself time to morn and still work I did something totally crazy. I got a tattoo. A large one on my back that is a memorial for her. Then two days later I found myself having to say farewell to another friend who had been in town for a month and was heading home. I was just overwhelmed with all of the feelings of loss that I had. I just wanted everyone I love to stop leaving and ended up in tears in the front seat of my car. I should have just driven home that day but I just went to work and headed to a meeting. Within hours I was being driven to the hospital for a very painful headache that made my vision blur. I am not sure what they gave me that day but I was so drunk from the medication that I was not able to drive and my oldest son came to take me home. I slept for hours and hours and he was relieved to know I was going to be ok. I now know that I need to learn to vet my feelings better, I also need to rest sometimes. I need to take better care of ME!
We then planned a huge trip to Colorado to inturn my mother’s ashes and take a few much needed days off. The trip was wonderful and the sightseeing we did brought me in contact with a large group of high school friends and family members I had not seen in several years. It was an eye-opening trip and I think the little angry girl that I had been most of my life finally was left totally behind in the mountains of Colorado. I finally had outgrown my home town, found out how much I am loved, found comfort in old friendships and felt free for the first time in my enter life. I was finally who I was intended to be.
This new feeling of freedom has continued for several months and has helped me grow. I spent time working with Christopher’s fundraiser Haunted House again just after we returned home. With Toms’s help, I put together a wonderful steampunk ringleader costume. A mixture of old and new items and lots of hot glue. I spent the weekend working at the door of the haunted house and helping to clean up the huge mess the next day. I won a costume contest at work dressed up for Christophers School party, and trick or treated with the kids. It was worth every minute I spent one making the costume. Next year’s costume is already in the works and is planned to be much scarier and less human. I am thinking of a smoking dragon… if all goes well.
Then the year ended on a very positive note. I have been asked to become an employee of the Barbour County Development Authority in West Virginia. After two years of working with them on community development work, I am now going to be a member of the Staff and continue as a Contractor/ Consultant on a couple of projects for other companies.
Finally, I have found my place in the world and I feel free to pursue every dream that I ever had. It is exciting to be in charge of my future and surround myself with the work I love. I hope in 2020 I can accomplish even more and make the communities I work in prosper as well!