The Beginning and the End

As the truth of the news sets in I fill with a choking pain. I do not know what to say and I have no idea what is going to happen in our families future. They don’t give instructions on how to deal with the cancer process. The results from Grandma chemo are the worst you can get. The Dr.’s see no improvement from the 6 Chemo treatments that she has received. There is nothing left that they can do.

As we hear this my husband and I look at each other with eyes that are wide open. The future was never a proven fact, only a glimmering hope on the horizon and try as we (the whole family) might the fact is that we had one good year and maybe a few more months before the cancer starts to change our lives again. I got word from the Dr that we would see the cancer return in about a year and we would be lucky to have Grandma here with us at the three-year mark. That seems all seem like a dream now as the tumors have doubled in a matter of 6 weeks. The first year is already gone and we are now looking at maybe having months with her not years.

Wild Blue Bells at Hacker Valley, West Virginia

Wild Blue Bells at Hacker Valley, West Virginia

She has gone and made her funeral plans and picked out the casket and song that need played. Her plot has been saved and the final paper work is almost in order. The fact is that she is going about this transition in the most honorable way possible. She is thanking everyone and saying the words that need said to make everything “Right” before it is too late.  It is an important time for my family and I hope all of you understand that in the coming months I may or may not write my weekly post. I will try to share things I love when I can and when the mood strikes but not unless it feels right.

We are about finished with the remodel just in time for all of this to happen. The Barn Wood Builders are coming back to finish up the filming of the house the 28th of Aug so we have time to get all the details done by then. At some point around that time I will be getting Grandmas room ready and she will move back in with us at some point in the future. I am ready and willing to make her last days as comfortable as possible with Gods help.

So as Grandma always tells us this is really not an Ending but only the Beginning. That death is not the worst part,it  is being trapped in a broken body that is terrible, that the spirit is free at death and can finally return to the unending love of our creator. She is so wise in all of her 78 years that I must believe that what she says is true. That death will only be a better beginning for all of us. That her freedom from pain and suffering will also release the rest of us from our suffering also. That somewhere in the future I will be able to breathe freely again but this time it will be for her.

Window at the Hutte Haus in Helvetia West Virigina  The old and the new

Window at the Hutte Haus in Helvetia West Virgina The old and the new

Categories: Cancer, cancer treatment, Death, family health, grandma, Healing | Tags: , , , , , , | 23 Comments

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23 thoughts on “The Beginning and the End

  1. Globalresidence

    Many thanks for sharing, Jolynn! She’s a very brave person. From her courage, I can only gather her strength in her character. You are blessed to have each other, however it may seem brief. Take care.


  2. It’s very hard to press the like button except to acknowledge that, in sharing this, you may help others. I am so sorry to hear this news and I am so impressed by the way she is approaching the situation. I hope that whatever time you have left to enjoy her company that she is able to also share in the the things that are good. We will keep you, her and your family in our thoughts and prayers.


  3. sandy

    My heart goes out to you and your family. I can only hope when it’s my time I can approach it with the courage and dignity that Wanda has. What a wonderful woman.


  4. Anis Carter

    Please call me if you need anything I need your new number so call me I am so sorry to hear about Wanda she is in my thoughts and prayers. Call me soon (540) 667-8628


  5. My heart goes out to you and your family.


  6. Lisa Hughes

    Much love and prayers for you and your family.


  7. JoLynn, I haven’t dropped by in a while; and I’m so sorry to hear this news.I have some idea of what you face as my Aunty passed away at the end of April this year. She was 95 and had increasing dementia. I cared for her 8 days our of 14 over the past three years and full time the last couple of weeks. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers through this time. I am still caring for my Mum, who is 92 now and has the beginnings of dementia. One thing I have learned from caregiving over the years is that no matter how old someone is, we always want just one more day. But I agree with your mother in law; here we live in a gymnasium designed to strengthen and nurture us; when we die, we go home and for a while are free again. Love and blessings to you and your family and to your mother in law. ~ Linne


  8. This is heartbreaking… I it will be us all one day, but acknowledging the end is hard. I hope you and your family get to enjoy your time with her now, to keep her company and surround her with love. My heart hurts for you all.


    • Holly that is what the plan is now… to live in the present with love and devotion. We will make few plans over the next 6 months and try to stay pretty close to home. Seeing to her every need and when she is unable to be alone to move her here and love every step of the journey.


  9. This is a painfully honest post. We send sympathy and support to you and your family.


    • Shawn, thank you the one thing I love about my blog is it gives me a place to be honest and real. I love my family with all my heart and love my country life with the same passion. So It makes me happy to share it all with you. The good, bad and the dirty… keep up the good work and keep those rabbits out of your garden… they just discovered mine and so far are only eating the beans we are both growing… living slowly and loving large Jolynn


  10. Faith Antion

    I am so sorry to read of the pain you and your family are facing. This is a beautiful post that moved me to tears and that is why I liked it, although it does feel wrong to like the post because of its content. I hope to have the strength to face the difficulties and the grief in my life with the courage you, your Grandma and your family have. I will keep you all in my thoughts.


  11. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. You are an inspiration in how you have been there and continue to be there for grandma as well as the rest of your family. I lost my grandfather a little over a month ago at the age of 93. He had cancer but at 93 there were so many other things attacking his body, he was ready to go, still, I wasn’t ready to let him go. 78 is too young, as is 93, but I do believe our loved ones live on — in and through us. What they give us, what they leave behind, the way they touch our souls, is something death can never take from us. Stay strong. Tears run free as I write this, knowing how hard it is for you at this difficult time, knowing that words just cannot ease the pain. I wish there was something I could say or do to help. Just know you are not alone. ~ Tilly


  12. It’s very hard to hit the “like” button on this post JoLynn but I wanted to show you my love and support at this very difficult time. I’m so very sorry for you and your loved ones. My prayers are with you all.


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