Preschool and Learning to Let Go

christopher dyeing easter eggs with shaving cream and food color

Christopher dyeing easter eggs with shaving cream and food color

   Ok so everyone family has gone through this and it is nothing new, but some how it is harder this time. I got through sending Cody off to school fine 15 years ago. I  just wish I felt more confident with our plans to send Christopher to a public preschool program this time.

Christopher in my office chair summer 2013

Christopher in my office chair summer 2013

    I actually like the school we are sending him to and was notified a couple of days ago of the name of his teacher. I was happy and relieved when I received the name and felt comforted that we are old family friends and she chose to have Christopher in her class.  I am total confident that his teacher is and will be able to do an outstanding job with him and that he will learn more than he ever would from me and my limited knowledge. I understand that he needs to get more socialization and spend time with kids his own age but none of this comforts me. I am not sure why it is so different with the second child.

  I wonder if it is my knowledge of public schools that makes me so sad. Maybe it is my lack of faith that our children are safe . Maybe it is remembering the first time Cody came home with hurt feelings and tears in his eyes.  I know at some point  it will happen to Christopher and apart of me will die when it does.

Christopher in bathtub at the louise Bennett Library

Christopher in bathtub at the Louise Bennett Library

       Even after hearing the great news about his new teacher, somewhere deep inside I think something broke.  I am not sure but I think it was my heart. I was totally unprepared for the feelings of despair and loss that run through me yesterday afternoon. I am not sure I am ready to hand him over to the world. That mean cold world where everything is out of my hands and in someone elses. It is similar to the feeling of loss I had when Tom was shipping out to the Gulf War. A feeling that  you have no say in what happens to you and those you love. You are a buy standers in the situation and from now on you just have to fallow what others say is best your loved one.

Christopher and me river swimming

Christopher and me river swimming

   I had thought about Home Schooling and may still if I find that Christopher is not unhappy at school but for now I also realise that I am not a great teacher for a preschooler. I have limited skills and my tolerance for normal preschool behavior is well let say… ok… but not great. So I know he needs some one who is more skilled than me and I do not think Christopher needs me 24-7 now that he is almost 5. He needs to grow roots that are deep and strong away from the shadow of his family. I just need to “Let Go” a bit and I am finding that hard.

Christopher with old car

Christopher with old car

  I love my sons and husband beyond words and want the very best for them even if that means I have to step to the side so they can grow and shine in their own right. Letting go is part of that growth but boy I feel like it is me who is having growing pains. I did not expect this when he was born… I though ok I have done this once I am experienced and the second will be easier. I was wrong, about so many things with this second child and I am not sure if everyone feels this way or not but everything is different.

Christopher and Me on vaction in Ky

Christopher and Me on vacation in Ky

   Maybe by next week I will be able to put him on that bus and wave as he drives away with out going hysterical. I hope that will not need to fallow the bus through town and into the parking area of his school. I hope that when that bus arrives Christopher and I will both be ready for a new day and new story in our lives. But the lesson of letting go of him is taking me by surprise.

tom and Christopher ramp digging and giggling

tom and Christopher ramp digging and giggling

                                    Wish Us Luck I could really use it about now!

Categories: Christopher, Jane Lew Elementry, Preschool | 12 Comments

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12 thoughts on “Preschool and Learning to Let Go

  1. forestmtnhike

    Hi JoLynn, I feel for you. I wish your son a good but safe school year. If I had children I think home schooling would be something I would definitely do, but I’m sure your public schools out there are probably much better than ours out here. California recently passed the bill SB 48 which is going to integrate homosexual teachings into elementary + grade systems. Here’s a youtube video regarding this bill: I think it’s just so sad.


    • WoW… did not know a thing about this and I will watch it… and maybe write you back about my feelings on the subject also… may need to share it also…


      • forestmtnhike

        Hi Jolynn, yes a friend and I were helping out with distributing petitions but sadly we in California weren’t able to come come up with enough signatures. We need 700,000 local (in state) resident signatures and we came close but were still short. Though, may the Lord’s will be done. May the change of this age be for His quick return.


  2. Good luck! Let us know how it goes. Since you have an older child, you know that this is just one of the many times and ways you will have to let him go.


  3. I can remember that feeling when I sent my youngest to a creche where he obviously wasn’t happy, my heart broke and I turned to my dad who looked after him instead so I could work one day a week. It’s so difficult, you just want to protect them from all hurt. Tom when he went to school, would tell me everything, even if he got a cross look from the teacher, heartbreaking… He’s 15 now and still doesn’t love school completely but has found some nice friends, loves being in the band and came third in the school cross country competition yesterday.

    I understand exactly how you feel. My advice is to do something different for yourself on that first day if you can, meet a friend for coffee or bake something special for when your son comes home. Keep busy and remember it’s normal to feel sad, it’s the end of a special time, but also the start of a new era, which could be exciting.


    • thank you so much for the ideas about trying to stay busy on the 29th..I will have to see what I can plan to keep my mind off the quite house…


  4. It’s something most mothers go through. My kids are grown but my great grandson starts kindergarten this year and the feelings are pretty much the same. So many “what ifs” go through your mind, but all you can do is your best — it’s a good thing you know Christopher’s teacher. That must be a big plus and I’m sure he’ll be fine. All the little ones have the same anxieties and good feelings starting a new adventure in life. Give me a call if you need some company.


    • sandy that is wonderful I may just do that… would you mind some company that afternoon? I would love to see the farm house and write on the blog about you and your husband building it together?


  5. Thanks for letting me camp out in your blog for a little while today. I had a great time and tried to leave my campsite as good as when I arrived. I’ll be back!


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